Unfinished Thoughts

Shouting, running, or crying till my heart's content would not change anything. Useless.
The more I want to forget, the more I remembered. I went deeper in my thoughts.
Trying to fly high, but I always fall. I am useless.
Grasping every power, till the last of what I had, is what everyone tells me to do. 

Smiling to maintain the moment, the heart shredded to pain. 
Pretending to be strong, but knowing the weakness inside.
Nights and days became so long.
Everything becomes dull.

Music without its soul.
Poetry without its wisdom.
Science without its acknowledge. 
Life without its spirit. 

Here I am, without you, has lost everything. 
Feelings have become numb.
I am clueless and lost.

Desperately needed someone to comfort me, but here I am.
In the position where everyone tells me to be patience;
to be tough; to be strong; to be something I have to try hard.
At least, one long cry would be nice. Aah, but I'm not allowed, am I?

Here I am, waiting for someone that you said will be there for me.
But I've become hopeless since you're gone.
They all left, no one stayed. The ones that I'd showed that I care.
Including you, but you didn't leave me. You were forced to leave, different than them.
But it still hurts, everyone left me, but they left with leaving behind pain for me.

Aah yes, I'm too kind for accepting those pain that is why they deliberately do that. 
Aah yes, they want me to be strong.
Aah yes, they said I'm independent.
Those reasons. Those weakness are mine.

What if, I don't want to be strong. 
What if, I don't want to be independent.
What if, I don't want to be hurt.
What if, I need a shoulder to cry on and a helping hand?

I want to share all the thoughts in my mind, but I can't.
I want to share all these burdens, but I can't.
Who would want to be shared of those things?
They'll just leave you again like before.
So selfish of me, never consider others. 

Ignorant and passive, someone said to me.
"You're ignorant and passive, that's why everyone left you."
Painful to hear, but one person knows I'm not, that is you.
However you were forced to leave me, for your happiness.
I'm happy for that, because I know this world only hurts you more.

But, I just miss you. And the one that understands me the most is you, my beautiful mother.
Now, I am forever alone here. I'm crying out for help from this loneliness but no one seems to care. ................................