My 26th Sea Games Journey (Pt. 2)

Okay, last time I was writing about my panic mode. The selection is in two days and I still don't know where the hell this place was located plus I was really sick at that time. I had a flu (this is not the main sickness I want to tell), so I drank a medicine where my stomach couldn't take it. So it gave me another complication after that, yes, that is GASTRIC ACID. The most sickness I hate ever. I vomited almost everyday because of this. 

Back to the main story, so the day had finally arrive. The selection started at 7, so I departed from my home at 5 in the morning. It was still dark at that time. I managed to know the route for the public transportation and the area for this selection test. And thadaaa I arrived exactly five minutes before seven. Jakarta's traffic jam is pretty hectic you know. Just for a reminder, my health is still not stable. 

Anyway, I searched out the green section, the zone which I was supposed to sit on. I was lost there, this stadium is confusing me. I didn't even know which door I should enter. And oh my God, I didn't brought my board to write on. Oh well, guess I have to buy a new one. 

After having a thirty minutes lost in the stadium, I finally found the green section. Lucky, the event didn't start on time (One of the Indonesian bad habits and I really hate this habit). I sat there in my seat then I took all of my equipments.

The test had finally started. It was an Intelligent Quotient test. This test takes hours and they even had an interview while at it. Oh my, my head starts to feel dizzy after two hours. I feel like I wanted to vomit. Argh, I can't stand it anymore. So what I did was do the test as fast as I could, then get out from this room. I didn't care whether I got accepted or not. All I could think of is I wanted to puke.

Finally, I did this test randomly. I didn't even concentrate on every questions it showed. So after couple of hours, I managed to finish this test. But stupidly, after that I went to a mini market and buy myself a Slurpee. So much for a sick person (do not copy this at home). After that, I started to feel sick again plus a brain freeze. But anyway, I'm free. No more test, I mean only for that moment. 

Now, the only thing to do is wait for the result. To be continued...

 

Faded Hope

Memories.. things that I would want to forget right now. I wish I really could. But it just won't happen. Those people gave me such big hopes about you and sadly I'm influenced by it. I used to never like you in the beginning, then those people came and gave me those hopes that made me fly in the sky. Then you started to show yourself, showing that those hopes that people had gave me were true. Why? I don't know. Was it just a bet? I don't know. 

From that moment, you made me fallen into you. I try to open up myself to you. I try to open my locked heart to you. Step by step, I really have fallen in love with you. But, the moment I had really open my heart for you, what did you do? Ignore me as if we didn't know each other. We're close, but then we became strangers. I thought I knew you, but you changed directly. Somehow as if you're trying to twist my heart around. 

Now, I regret that I had opened my heart again. I was so stupid to believe everything what I shouldn't believe. I was so stupid feeling the things I shouldn't feel. Now, I'm trying to stand strong in front of you. Trying to act that nothing has ever happen, yes it never did happen. Never did! Trying to ignore you but acting as if I'm not ignoring you. Because the more I see you, the more it hurts me. The more you smile at me, the more you're trying to kill me.  I will never know whether you did like, or whether you were just pretending. But now, I really don't want to find the answer. I don't want to wait for you anymore. Its time to move on. Its the time to find my future. For I have to stand strong. I'm tired of hoping. I'm tired of hearing impossible things. I'm tired when all of those people said to me I have to wait. Because I know, it's just too impossible. You're too mysterious for me. This moment you might gave me another hope, but then the next moment you will fade away again. You kept on doing this. I'm too tired. Now, I will try to fade all this hope. Trying to fade all my love for you although I knew I couldn't.

I hope the best for you only. I pray that someday you will get your happiness although you made me like this. Amin. 

My 26th Sea Games Journey (Pt. 1)

THE RECRUITMENT

It started of from my friend in campus. She said that the International Sea Games Organizing  Committee (INASOC) is having an open recruitment for the sea games event. So I opened the website that my friend had told me. I thought that I should give it a try because I think that this event is not held anually.  And, of course I thought that it would give me some life experiences, networks, and of course more friends. I saw three jobs listed there, and those jobs with its criteria are as follow:

Liaison Officer
Job Description:
• As the Personal Assistant, to help ease the VVIP and VIP guests SEA Games participants XXVI/2011
• As a liaison VVIP and VIP guests with the Committee INASOC
• Responsible for providing information and coordinating the VVIP and VIP guests with the Committee INASOC

Criteria:
• Male / Female
• Age 23 – 30 Years
• Concept wide (General Knowledge, Culture and the latest global news)
• Student Level End/Bachelor
• Interesting personality
• Possess the ability to communicate with both English (High Level) / France / Thailand
• Sufficiency (responds to all situations)

Volunteer
Job Description:
• Responsible for providing convenience to delegates to provide the necessary information and requirements
• Responsible for helping the committee executive, sports, venues, events and other activities during the SEA Games last XXVI/2011

Criteria:
• Male / Female
• Age 18 - 35 Years
• Concept wide (General Knowledge, Culture and the latest global news)
• High School Student Level End
• Interesting personality
• Possess the ability to communicate with both English
• Sufficiency (responds to all situations)

Work Force
Job Description:
• Responsible for helping the implementation of the game in various venues,
• Helps smooth transportation,
• Assist in the distribution of catering, cleaning and the waste places that require
• Responsive to all situations
• Ready to help in all conditions if necessary

Criteria:
• Male/Female
• At least educated junior school.

So after I saw all these three job-description, I chose the one that really fits my criteria, that is the volunteer section. Yes, the only one that really fits me. So, I filled in the online application they had in their website. Fill in my name, address, mobile number, university, position I chose, et cetera. After that, I had to wait for their next information about this recruitment. No information continuation at all, I even forgot that I filled in this application. 

Suddenly, after two months, I received a text message by an unknown number. It showed that I had been invited for Sea Games liaison officer or volunteer applicants selection on Wednesday, 13th July 2011 at GOR Soemantri Brodjonegoro, teenagers sports arena. Besides that, it showed my entry number, which section I should sit at, and what should I bring at that day. Seriously, I didn't know where this place was and which public transportation track should I ride. And this event will be held in two days. I had that panic mode of course. Directly after I had read my text message,  I opened my e-mail to see if there was a more complete information about this invitation. Yes, there it was although they didn't show the map of the destination I should go.  The same thing I saw in my text message. To be continued..

To Forget

Astaghfirullah al-adhim

Rasanya sakit sekali ya Allah ketika mengingatnya

Kenangan yang indah, namu cita asa itu belum tercapai

Dan sekarang, tepatnya pada saat ini,

Entah mengapa saya mengingatnya kembali,

Rasanya seperti tertusuk teramat dalam, 

Terobek serobek robeknya

Ingin sekali rasanya untuk menggapainya, 

Tapi aah, itu semua hanya angan saja, 

Mungkinkah? Aku tak tahu. 

Aku hanya bisa berdo'a saja. 

Tapi pada saat ini, saya menyesalinya.

Segala peristiwa manis nan indah itu

yang telah membuat aku salah sangka 

salah memahami

salah mengerti

Entah, 

Entah mengapa pada saat itu, 

Tanda itu terasa begitu nyata

Kini tanda itu menghilang begitu saja

Sungguh, aku tak suka dengan hal itu

Ku telah mencoba untuk melupakan

Namun, semakin kucoba, semakin ku ingat.

Kepala ini seakan ingin pecah,

Bersamaan dengan hati ini.

Aku ingin kembali seperti dulu,

dimana hanya ada kehampaan dan kekosongan.

Sekarang yang ada hanyalah rasa sakit

yang sedang menumpuk dari masa silam.

Gloomy Shocking Birthday

Birthday, is a day where people tends to celebrate the increasing new age in their life. This only happens once a year. This day is meant to be very special for the people who are having their birthdays. It is their day to be happy and enjoy it.
But this kind of birthday is rather different than mine. As you can see in my title, my birthday was very gloomy. The clock was showing twelve o'clock midnight. All I did was reading all the posts from my friend in some social networks I have (unmentioned) and replied them, that includes the posts in my text messages also. I read some of my friends were congratulating me in my birthday. Truly, those congratulations meant a lot for me. Even though some of them had just said "happy birthday" or "hbd". But I don't care, I appreciate their time in congratulating me; their sincerity in wishing me and pray for me good things. Thank you people. :)  Well I hope God blesses you back. That is the only thing I could do for their kindness. My prayer. 
About thirty minutes had passed, my parents congratulated me also, directly, face to face. It was nice though. I got hugs from my parents, and their prayers. It felt nice, actually. It felt comfortable. Well it didn't matter if my parents didn't held any birthday party for me, because I'm those kind of child who understands their parents situation. Well the only thing that matters for me is their prayers :). You know, your parents' prayers are the most valuable things in this world. 

After that, I decided to sleep. 
In the morning, wait.. does 10 o'clock means it is still morning?? I did my usual habit. 
Taking a shower, eat, washing the dishes, playing the piano, et cetera. No new things to do in this birthday day, just the same old life I was running. The only thing that was different is that I got wishes from my family, relatives, and friends either in social networks or text messages; don't count my grandma, because she congratulates me directly :). I even got one hundred thousands rupiahs from her. Lucky Me :) 
Four days had passed. It was the 30th of July at that time. My three best friends and I had an arrangement of having a reunion at Taman Mini Indonesia Indah (Beautiful Indonesia Miniature Park). This park shows the whole of Indonesia cultures and lands fitted in small acres. Anyway, we planned to gather first at 7 o'clock early in the morning in my house before we go there. I waited for one hour, they still haven't arrived yet. I text-ed one of them. She didn't replied. So after thirty minutes, I text-ed her again. She said that she woke up late and going to reached my house at 10 o'clock. What???!! 7 to 10?? That's like three hours. 
So, while I wait for my late comers best friends, I decided to play my piano. It is a Y*maha acoustic brown Piano. Well in my opinion, K*wai had better sounds than Yamaha. Because this Y*maha that I had sounded lightly. I played my favorites songs first, of course. Some of them are "River Flows in You, Ballade Pour Adeline, Fur Elise, When I need You, I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing". I sang in some of the song that I played, trust me, my voice is not that good. Sometimes my voice squeaks. But somehow, I managed my voice well now, better than before. 
Finally my best friends came. And Oh My God! They brought me a birthday cake. But what shocked me the most is that, they made me a surprised belated birthday party. I can't say a word. What I felt at that time is feeling thankful to God. How Allah had showed me my true best friends. But at that same time also, I felt very sad. Because I can't do anything best for them. I can't payback their good deeds toward me. Well all I can do is pray the best for them. 
A simple small party before we went to Taman Mini Indonesia Indah, they brought me gifts; we ate the cake; and they messed up my face with the cake. It was a happy shocking moment there, I tried to escaped from the cake. But I can't, because 2 people was holding me. And someone in front of me, had her cake painted my face. That was a tough escaped. 
Anyway, that is why I titled this article Gloomy Shocking Birthday, it started from gloomy things to shocking things, and it ends with happiness. 


These are some memoirs of my birthday:

 This is the first gift that I got in my 18th birthday. This is the most unique gift that I got. Because this gift was posted instead of giving it directly face to face. I will do take care of this gift. :) Don't Worry :)

I got this money from my grandmother. :) I'm sure going to save this in my piggy bank :)

This is the cake that my best friends had surprised me with :) :) chocolate flavor. Yummy :9

These are the gifts from my best friends :) I love it. It is so cute. I will not forget these moments :)

This is the gift from my sister and her boyfriend :) Can't wait until she gets here and bring this dress :)




 

This is where I placed my gifts :) In a special place :) In my room of course :)

Missing You

 

So many days and nights that I had been through, it won't stop my mind from thinking about you. The flashback of happy and sad memories, made your shadows alive in my mind. How you came into my life had arisen me from my darkest moment. The warmth of your body had made me feel secure by your side. Your scent had brighten my day. Your voice had been recorded well in my ears, how you whisper words that would always made me feel calm in all kind of situations. Your gestures that had showed me the signs of your love and made me feel that I'm the luckiest girl in the world. 

But after I opened my eyes, you disappeared, leading me back to my darkest moment with much more pain. You had made my life empty. You made me wandering in the coldest desert of mind. A left me in the blizzard of the coldest heart. All this time, I had been dreaming to much. I have been misjudging the wrong thing. You are not as what I had expected. It is time to forget you, even though my mind wouldn't stop thinking about you. I know I would be missing the 'you' that I know. But I had to forget you, even though I am still stuck with all of those memories you gave me. I am still the same me you used to know. I will always be missing you.

Regrets

As people always says:

Regrets come last never in the beginning

There are many types of regrets that had occurred in my mind:

1. Regret of what you have done in the past
2. Regret that you didn't do of what you should do
3. Regret having to know that person
4. Regret that you became too close with that person
5. Regret of the things that you had said
6. Regret of the things that you had plan
7. And many other more regrets..

But these regrets are a good thing. Without it, we would never learn of what our mistakes are. We would never learn how to value something until it's gone. So, don't fall into the same hole twice.

The Message

Tell Him , a song from Barbra Streisand and Celine Dion. The most beautiful voices that had hypnotized my heart and my mind. But this song is different from other songs that I had heard, this song has become a favorite song in my life. Why? In my perspective view, a song is an expression of the heart. It represents what are you feeling for the moment. 

So a conclusion from what I've wrote in the first paragraph. Tell Him song expresses of what I am feeling for the moment. But besides that, I've been loving this song since this song came out. But I've began to notice this song more when my life began to feel the same thing as what this song tries to express.

But sadly, I wouldn't be the character as what this song asks you to be. However, I have my own principal and I think that my principal is the best thing for me. Probably it would be the most old school principal, but yes, I'm still holding to it. 

However, my principal is that, I wouldn't chase after guys. It is not me. And please, that is so not me. I would never chase. My hopes and wish is that they chase after me. I know that this is a very old school principal. But this is the real me. So for someone, and you know who you are. This is me. 

A message for you:

I don't care about your background. I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did, as long as you love me. I accept you for who you are as it is. All I ask from you is to be an honest person, be truthful, and dare to express of what you feel. Don't be a coward. Don't be a hypocrite. The matter of whether I'll accept you or not, depends on how you really truly care and truly love me. All I need is a person who is responsible and truthful who truly cares and love me for what I am as it is and not for what I'm not. I need a person who truly cares and love me and my family not only me. Yes, that is me. Probably this will be the hardest thing a girl asks, but that is just me.

Unanswered Questions

There are always questions that are stuck in my head where it can't be answered. Questions that I always asked God even though I have to find the answers myself with Allah's Wills. It's all a mystery for us humans to seek all of those questions. 

Dear Allah,

Why am I here? Why do I exist in this world? Will my existence bring good things to this world or possibly it'll be vice versa? If I bring bad things to this world, then why did You let me appear in this world? 

Why do we have feelings? Why do we have to feel love feeling, happy feeling, sad feeling, disappointing feeling, and many other feelings? What are these feelings for? 

Why do I have these questions on my mind? Why do we have to search answers to these questions? Why do we have to seek all of these mysteries?

And after all this time, I was so stupid. The answer was always there, but only by Allah's Will we could know the answer. 

The answer contains about five words, and that is:

It is because of Allah

Allah knows the way how to make us grateful to Allah. Without all of this, the only thing we know is about Allah but we don't know how to thank Allah back. Without all of this, we feel vacuous. We feel something empty. 

All of these questions, is Allah's Way to show us how Great Allah is, how Creative Allah is, and to tell us that we are nothing without Allah. 

Meaningful Droplets

Tears.. 

A simple water drops from the eyes

But yet, every single drop is meaningful

Tears..

It drops according to your emotion

It drops according to what your heart tells you to do

Holding back your tears

And let it drop in the silence

Where no one could see

Shouting under the pillow

While letting your tears drop

Where you can free all of your pressure

Tears..

Complete your sadness

A state where you're in your highest emotion

Membingungkan

Jawaban?

Jika iya, tapi kenapa tidak?

Jika tidak, tapi kenapa iya?

Kepastian?

Jika ada, tapi kenapa tiada?

Jika tiada, tapi kenapa ada?

Isyarat? 

Jika ada tanda, tapi kenapa tiada kejelasan?

Jika tiada kejelasan, tapi kenapa ada tanda?

Tanggung jawab?

Jika berjanji, tapi kenapa mengingkari?

Jika mengingkari, tapi kenapa berjanji?

Warna?

Jika putih, tapi kenapa ada hitam?

Jika hitam, tapi kenapa ada putih?

Jarak?

Jika dekat, tapi kenapa jauh?

Jika jauh, tapi kenapa dekat?

Dimanakah letak sebuah ketegasan?

Lebih baik menunjukkan suatu kejelasan bukan? 

Jangan seperti angin yang tak terlihat

Lebih baik menjadi matahari yang sudah jelas panasnya

atau lebih baik menjadi pohon yang sudah jelas merindangi suasana

Kumpulan Diary

Entah mengapa hari ini aku melakukan sesuatu yang berbeda. Tidak biasanya aku membuka laci lemariku yang berisikan semua barang-barang pribadi pentingku. Lebih anehnya lagi, aku tau apa yang aku ingin ambil. Sebuah diary-diary, diary dimana berisikan masa laluku. Dulu, aku tak pernah ingin melihat diary-diary tersebut, jangankan melihat, menoleh pun aku tak mau. Tapi mengapa hari ini, aku memberanikan diri untuk mengambilnya?

Terlintas di benakku tentangnya ketika aku sedang mendentingkan piano kesayanganku. Akupun tidak konsen atas lagu yang sedang aku mainkan. Aku pun mengalihkan lagu yang sedang aku mainkan, dan tiba-tiba aku pun memainkan lagu yang mengingatkan aku padanya. Padahal sudah bertahun-tahun aku lupa padanya. Seusai memainkannya, aku memandangi diary-diary ku yang aku ambil dari laci. Aku membuka diary tertua ku. Melewati beberapa tanggal yang tercantum dalam diary tersebut. Lalu aku berhenti pada tengah halaman diary aku tersebut. Saya pun tertegun, bingung, mengapa halaman selanjutnya kosong. Mengapa aku baru menyeritakannya dihalaman akhir, namun tidak aku lanjutkan?

Saya pun menaruhnya kembali diary itu, dan mengambil diary ku yang kedua. Diary yang aku beli di Solo tahun 2007. Aku teringat, aku tak ingin mencampurkan ceritaku dengannya di dalam diary lama ku karena diary lama ku berisikan kisah masa lalu ku yang kelam bersama seseorang sebelum ku bertemu dengannya. Aku membukanya, halaman pertama digabungkan dengan halaman kedua berisikan kisah ketika aku membeli diary tersebut. Lalu, aku termenung melihat halaman ketiga. Halaman ketiga yang mengingatkan aku lebih tajam lagi padanya yaitu pertemuan aku dengannya. Kapan, dimana, dan bagaimana aku bertemu dengannya. Akupun tersenyum, tersipu malu dengan kisah yang aku tuliskan. Dimana aku sedang merasakan jatuh cinta yang sesungguhnya, bukan sekedar cinta monyet. 

Huruf demi huruf aku baca secara seksama, tersenyum-senyum setiap halaman yang aku baca. Dalam diary itu, aku menuliskan semua sms darinya yang dia kirimkan kepadaku sebelum dan setelah kita jadian. Waktu dia masih PDKT untuk mendapatkan aku. Dulu aku hanya seorang remaja yang masih belum mengenal jati diri, yang belum berfikir secara panjang, yang hanya mengandalkan perasaan dan sedikit logika.  Aku sadar betapa bodohnya aku pada saat itu, betapa lucunya kelakuan aku dulu. Ketawa tersipu-sipu malu atas rayuan gombal yang dia kirimkan untuk aku saat itu. Setiap sms yang dia kirimkan ke aku, tiap kata sayangnya dan cintanya dia terhadap aku. Tiap lelucon manisnya dia terhadap aku. Lalu, aku sadar, dulu dia emang sangat sayang dan cinta sama aku. Namun.... 

Lalu buku itu habis, ku meletakannya kembali di meja yang ada di hadapan ku. Ku ambil diary ketiga, diary terakhirku. Diary ketigaku ini tidak ada yang spesial. Hanya sebuah buku tulis biasa yang bergambarkan pemain bola internasional yang terkenal. Dalam buku ini, masih berkisah tentangnya. Namun ada perbedaan, yaitu ditulis ketika kita harus merasakan kerinduan yang sangat dahsyat. Dimana kita saling menunjukkan karakter yang berbeda dari yang dulu. Namun kisah ini terhenti setelah beberapa halaman. Selanjutnya, buku itu pun kosong. Tak ada kisah. 

Ku menutupnya kembali. Ku merenungi apa yang terjadi dalam masa lalu, apa yang terjadi setelah itu. Entah mengapa, ku merindukan saat-saat yang dulu. Saat-saat indah bersamanya. Namun, ku lenyapkan kerinduan itu. Aku merasakan kepedihan mengingat kejadian setelah itu. Luka di hati, yang tak mampu kembalikan masa yang dulu. 

Hati Yang Perih

Ya Allah,

Aku tak sanggup 

ketika ku melihat gerak geriknya

ketika ku melihat ucapannya

ketika ku melihat sikapnya

Terkadang Ya Allah,

Aku berfikir apakah dia merindukanku

berfikir apakah dia memikirkanku

berharap bahwa dia akan menyadari kesalahannya?

Ya Allah, 

Engkau tahu, tiap kali ku merindukannya,

Ku selalu berdo'a kepadaMu agar dia yang merindukanku dan bukan aku,

apakah do'a aku ini salah ya Allah?

Maafkan aku jika do'aku tak seharusnya begini

Namun hati ini perih ya Allah,

Ku tak bisa menahannya lagi

Ku hanya bisa berdo'a kepadaMu ya Allah

Menangis di hadapanMu

Tak berdaya di hadapanMu

Ya Allah, 

Aku mohon

Berikan ketentraman hati bagiku

Kedamaian jiwa untukku

Sehingga aku bisa tabah menjalani segala cobaan dariMu.

Amiin ya Allah

Dia

Dia membangkitkanku dari keterpurukan

Dia menemaniku dalam kesepian

Dia memberikanku sejuta kebahagiaan

Dia merubah hidupku yang kelam menjadi terang

Namun

Dialah yang mengembalikanku kepada keterpurukan

Dialah yang meninggalkanku dalam kesepian

Dialah yang telah mengambil kebahagiaan

Dia menjadikan cahaya terangku menjadi redup

Mengapa kau mengangkatku jika kau kan menjatuhkanku?

Mengapa kau berikan aku kebahagiaan lalu kau berikan aku derita?

Mengapa kau mengambil cahaya dalam jiwaku?

Mengapa oh mengapa?

Puisi

Artikel yang satu ini berbeda dengan artikel-artikel yang pernah saya tulis sebelumnya. Disini saya akan lebih banyak menjelaskan tentang diri saya. Pasti anda heran mengapa kandungan (orang hamil kali yah) blog saya cenderung tentang kesedihan. Jadi ceritanya gini, situasi kehidupan saya ini pasang surut (kaya laut aja). Disaat situasi lagi bahagia, saya pribadi lebih senang mencurahkannya kepada keluarga saya sendiri. Namun, jika disaat sedih menjelma, saya cenderung tertutup, tidak bergairah, dan tingkat kesabaran turun (emosian). Lagian daripada saya curhat tapi tidak didengarkan dan saya melampiaskan amarah saya ke orang lain, lebih baik saya mencurahkannya dalam blog ini. 

Blog ini tidak hanya berisi tentang kesedihan saya tapi merupakan pemikiran yang saya rasakan dalam dunia ini. Entah itu tentang kejadian sehari-hari, hal yang saya lihat, dan hal yang saya rasakan. Seperti yang saya tulis sebelumnya, blog saya ini cenderung berisikan kesedihan. Namun, saya juga tak mungkin terlalu terbuka tentang diri saya. Karena hal itu sama saja dengan membuka kesempatan untuk menambah aib sendiri bukan? 

Dalam kesedihan yang saya rasakan, saya lebih senang mencurahkannya dalam bentuk puisi. Lantas mengapa puisi? Kenapa tidak bentuk cerita saja? Dan saya yakin, anda  pasti merasa bahwa terkadang puisi saya tidak berkesinambungan. Puisi itu saya tulis ketika saya berada dalam puncak emosi saya. Segala rasa sedang bergejolak dalam benak dan hati saya. Rasa amarah, perih, sedih, dan kesal menjadi satu. Oleh karena itu, terkadang ide yang tertuang pun tercampur. Lalu mengapa puisi? Pertanyaan yang masih belum terfikirkan. Puisi bagi saya adalah sebuah misteri yang merupakan pengungkapan gejolak dalam diri. Puisi hanya merupakan penyampaian aspirasi tanpa harus menjelaskan mengapa terjadi aspirasi tersebut. Sehingga orang yang membacanya pun tak perlu tahu apa yang sedang terjadi. Itulah saya, seperti puisi. Terbuka namun tertutup. Dan sasaran yang saya hendak capai setelah menulis puisi-puisi tersebut adalah mendapatkan ketenangan hati dan jiwa sehingga saya dapat membentuk self-motivation dalam diri. 

Kata demi kata dalam puisi itu, menurut saya, adalah kata yang berharga. Walaupun umum atau sederhana, menurut saya, tak ada kata lain yang dapat menggantikannya. Puisi, sebuah luapan jiwa yang dapat menghilangkan beban dalam jiwa. 

Tanpa Harapan

Ada persamaan diantara kita
Ada kebahagiaan diantara kita
Ada pengertian diantara kita
Ada cinta diantara kita

Akankah ada kebersamaan diantara kita
Akankah ada loyalitas diantara kita
Akankah ada kecemburuan diantara kita
Akankah ada kebersatuan hati diantara kita


Hari demi hari kita semakin dekat
Suasana yang selalu terulang tiap harinya
Tapi kita berdua tetap menjalani hal yang biasa
Menghilangkan rasa dalam jiwa


Isi hati kita hanyalah sebuah angan
Angan yang tak mungkin tersalurkan
Apalah arti dari perasaan ini
Yang tak mungkin terjalin


Mencintai dan dicintai
Suatu hal yang wajar bagi kita
Walaupun tanpa harus memiliki 

Maafkan daku tak bisa bersamamu
Maafkan daku tak bisa menemani
Maafkan daku yang telah hadir dalam harimu
Maafkan daku yang bersikap aneh terhadapmu

Selamat tinggal, kita tak mungkin bersama
Apalah arti pemberian harapanmu yang tidak ada artinya
Aku cukupkan kamu untuk memainkan hati kita
Dan aku cukupkan diriku untuk memainkan hati ku sendiri