Despicable Me

I think I've changed a lot
I don't know whether I've changed to someone better or not
But I do miss the moment where I could smile freely
Without anything to burden my smile

I became someone who ignores my surrounding
Solitary has been the path I choose to walk
It's the only thing that comforts me
Or that's the thing that I think will comfort me

I chose not to adapt that fast with others
I don't know why
But everywhere I go
I seemed not to fit in

I made myself busy
Escaping flashbacks that will hurt me again
But no matter how busy I am
I kept on remembering those remnants

I've changed a lot
It's even hard for me to focus on my studies
Although I try to keep my promise
Nothing will come interfere my studies

I smile to everyone, I do
But its not the smile I use to give
Maybe no one would realize
Cause I made it so

I'm used to it
Holding back tears onto my eyes
Looking up to the sky
So that it won't fall

What should I do?
I am an expert now
But it hurts really bad right now
I can't stand it

I am such a fool
I look so desperate
I hate this look of mine
I know what I want
But it's impossible to have